1. Have a great idea. An amazing idea. Most definitely the best idea in the history of ideas. This story will have it all; humour, emotion, highs and lows, a meaningful conclusion. It will really make people think. And FEEL. A Pulitzer is deffo on the cards.
2. Google it and find that essentially the same thing has already been written a ton of times before.
3. It doesn’t matter, you’re a different person, with a fresh perspective. Your take on it is going to be totally new and original.
4. Start writing with gusto. So many amazing thoughts that need to be captured and shared with the world as soon as possible.
5. After a rush of furious typing, you stop to do a word count of your masterpiece. Aaaannnnnddd, you’re not even halfway, and already you’ve used up all your best material.
6. Snack break.
7. Return from snack break. Stare blankly at the computer.
8. Type out a sentence then delete it.
9. Repeat steps 6 through 8 an infinite number of times. Gain 5 kilos.
10. Give up. Copy and paste some crazy stories from a Reddit thread, give it a clickbaity headline (You won’t believe what 15 wild things these people did after one night stands….) and submit that instead.
11. Watch on in abject horror as your hack piece proceeds to get more likes and shares than any half-decent piece you’ve ever written.